My sheets look like a crime scene.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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