Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
