Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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