He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
