he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
