I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
accomplished twins. life is a go
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
