Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
