Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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