it was like eating out sand paper
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
