At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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