You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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