Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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