and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
wakey wakey hands off snakey
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just found puke in my bra..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
