i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
