i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If its not for food we ain't going out.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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