NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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