In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
