I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
