So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
