i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
