Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
