My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize