More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize