I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize