watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
