I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
