Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
