On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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