i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
