I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
