did you get engaged???
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
