His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
