it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
