So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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