If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
These tits shall not be calmed
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
