I wannas sexs uuuuu
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
