My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
