I wish I could teleport
Yo dont text me then not text me
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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