Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
