"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
