Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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