I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
