Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
