Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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