he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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