I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
