I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
