It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
