well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
