So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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