Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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