Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she peed on how many people?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
