The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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