A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
