You just made me feel so damn special
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
