there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
