Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
