time to smoke my breakfast
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
