You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Someone signed my nipple.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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