this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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