proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize