do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
