based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just googled if crying burns calories
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
