By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my shit smells like andre
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
