THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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