good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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