I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
