just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
