i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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